


Time and Time Again

by sh0tar1s



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Comedy, Drama, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Memory Loss, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Past Relationship(s), Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:54:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26851000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sh0tar1s/pseuds/sh0tar1s
Summary: Harry's lost control of his life, while Draco has lost the memories of his life.Is meeting each other once more the solution?
Relationships: Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	1. I Meet You

Dear Harry,

I feel incredibly stupid writing this. You see, it's me writing to myself. Isn't that a little silly? It feels weird to say dear Harry. But, I'm doing it anyway because Hermione thinks it might help me. Whatever that means. I'm not entirely sure why she thinks I need help. If I think long enough, I can sometimes understand what she means. But I feel better than I did during the war, obviously. I'm also feeling better than I did 3 years ago, during that really rough patch in my relationship. Well, I guess it's a little more than a rough patch. That's besides the point, I don't know why she thinks this will "help" me.

I'm writing and feeling more and more foolish by the second. It's not like anyone is reading this but me. I'm not even sure what to write. How do I tell myself something I already know?

I don't know, I think that's enough for today. I guess I'll write to "you" another time.

Sincerely, 

Harry

The quill in his hand levitated back to its shelf along with its ink. The raven haired boy rubbed his eyes, his glasses almost falling off his face. Yawning loudly, Harry pushed back on his chair and stretched. Mid yawn, he peeks at the time, which read 5:37 A.M. 

This wasn't unusual, right? Lots of people sleep at odd times, Harry's probably just nocturnal or something. He knew this wasn't the case, obviously, but there was no reason to fix his sleep schedule for right now. He wasn't headed anywhere. No events, no work, nothing. It really didn't matter so much, did it?

Although, even if sleep doesn't always come easily, one eventually has to succumb to it. Harry lazily retreated back into his room, away from the desk he once worked so hard at. Times had changed.

No longer was Harry so young and rebellious and full of wonder. Nothing was quite so exciting anymore. A year ago, he was still an Auror. A year ago, he still had fun despite his situation with ginny. But something, something had changed. The problem is, he didn't know what or why. Either way, Harry didn't think that desk was so comforting anymore.

The room he calls his own didn't feel so welcoming either. What once was so cherished, so loved, was no longer so great. The bed reminded him of a time he shared it, the half empty closet reminding him that he once shared that as well. Sharing something so intimate wasn't an idea Harry opposed, even if there once was a time when a room to himself was all he wanted.

It's sad how things can change so quickly.

Sliding underneath the covers, Harry paused to place his wand underneath his pillow. Chances could never be taken, you always, always have to be on guard. That's what the raven haired wizard learned in his time of being an auror, perhaps one of the few bits of information he decided to keep with him.

The mattress sunk underneath him, and Harry groaned. Even now, there was no comfort in the way it dips all in one place. Why did it have to be so soft? Maybe that's why his back always seemed to hurt. It definitely wasn't because he kept slouching everywhere, Hermione.

With his glasses on his bedside drawer, Harry thought of his old memories, particularly good ones. What else could he do? He had to avoid nightmares somehow, besides taking Dreamless Sleep potions, of course. 

Maybe if he thought about his time as an auror, but it was almost like all he could do is run, just fueling more energy in him. Turning over onto his side, he imagined someone with him, in his arms, but that wasn't always so helpful either. 

Everytime Harry tries to imagine someone holding him, the thought would be replaced with nothing but sad old memories. Sometimes the imagination would morph into Sirius, Harry was so desperate to hug him again. Other times it might even be his mother. Those thoughts definitely just fueled his nightmares. He switches to other topics instead.

Maybe he imagines company, like hedwig beside him in her cage, keeping watch and cocking her head to the side the way she always did. 

Maybe he imagines Ginny, back when they were happy.

Harry doesn't think he misses Ginny. No, it's not that. Their relationship had been rough after the war, especially 3 years after the battle. Fights full of tears and yelling, but forgiveness was granted no matter how bad it got. Until one day, though the fight wasn't their loudest, it was enough to ruin them.

"Kids, Harry. I'm telling you I want children!" Ginny had proclaimed. The red haired girl threw her head back and rubbed her face. 

Harry knew she was frustrated, but so was he.

"I know Gin, but I really don't want any...besides, you already have a big family," Harry looked up from his paperwork. He didn't want to hurt her, but her desperation for a family didn't make much sense. She already had one.

"Don't you think I know that!? I just-" she paused to look up at the ceiling again, holding back tears. The freckled girl ran her hand through her hair in frustration. Ginny gave one last huff before she looked back at Harry. "Harry, I want to start my own family."

Harry couldn't entirely blame her of course. Realistically, it made sense. Of course she would want to start a family, of course she thought it was time for a new chapter in her life. She's almost 20! 

But he wasn't ready. He didn't think he would ever be ready. Harry never got to experience parental love growing up, let alone a family's love. There was no desperation to have kids, not when he didn't even understand how to properly care for them. 

No child would deserve a lousy parent like him, no child should have to have a father who can't even begin to understand how to parent. Harry expressed this thought to Ginny.

"Oh, I can't stand it when you give up so easily, Harry! How do you even know you'd be a shite parent?" 

Harry couldn't explain his fears to her. Eventually, that fear tore them apart.

As days flew by, so did their affection. Ginny always leaving, not coming home as much anymore. they saw each other less and less, still trying to somehow hold up their relationship but not quite doing the job right. Eventually, she told him she couldn't do it, and she left.

The birds chirping outside his window got louder, letting Harry know he sleeps way too late, or too early, depending on how you see it. One of these days, he should really try to sleep earlier. It's getting too hard to sleep with the birds up so early every morning.

Despite that, Harry's eyelids grew heavy. Perhaps sleep was an option after all, and the annoying birds wouldn't be such a nuisance. Shutting his eyes, he watched the scenes behind his eyelids. Many memories, many what ifs, many what could've beens.

-

"I'm glad you came, Harry. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"yeah, it has."

Harry took off his coat, placing it in his lap as he took a seat in the office. The blonde girl in front of him searched behind her desk, checking drawer to drawer for something Harry wasn't sure about. While she did so, he flipped through one of the Quibbler's set in front of him.

"How have you been? You don't visit much anymore," She paused and started reorganizing the files in front of her. Her face was barely concentrated, it's like she knew every sheet of paper by heart. Harry remembered a time where he too, was that passionate.

"I'm sorry, Luna," He realized just how long it must've been since he visited the dreamy eyed witch. Two months? Three months? It was definitely in the fall, it was December now. He decided not to comment too much about why he didn't visit, there wasn't any excuse good enough.

"I've been alright actually, you?" He asked, staring at the moving images in front of him. Wow! The seeker in The Appleby Arrows was amazing. Oh, how he missed quidditch.

"Really good actually! Lots of progress with Madeline." There was no Madeline, Luna refused to reveal the names of her patients. Even so, Harry knew a little bit about these patients, but only the bare minimum, especially by their code names.

"I knew she would open up eventually," He grinned.

"Had no doubts about it! I am having trouble with Draco though," Luna trailed off as she searched further in a drawer.

Harry's head snapped up.

"Draco? Draco Malfoy? Like, the git from Hogwarts? The albino?" 

"Harry, be kind to my patients please," Luna calmly answered, finally heading back to her desk and rearranging the files again. Harry couldn't imagine having to do so much paper work again.

Oh, who cares about the paperwork? He snapped out of it.

"Patient? Luna what are you talking about?" He questioned. Draco Malfoy? Seeing a healer? Harry couldn't imagine what for, maybe the war? Whatever the reason, Luna never revealed her patient's real names. It had to be a mistake.

"Yes, well, after the incident two weeks ago I was assigned as his healer," she blinked at him in what seemed like surprise. The blonde witch was acting as if everything she was saying made perfect sense.

Harry's eyebrows furrowed and he put down the quibbler.

"Incident? What do you mean? What happened?" Harry hadn't heard of any incidents, and definitely not any including Malfoy. He couldn't say he cared about him, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to know when something bad happens to him. You know, for a good laugh.

"Harry, you really ought to read The Prophet sometimes, maybe even father's Quibbler. You really didn't hear what happened? I thought maybe Ron or Hermione might've mentioned-"

"Luna," he cut her off. "What happened?" So maybe it's his fault he had not heard of any incidents, but now he was curious.

Luna took a seat behind her desk, spinning her chair to face Harry. She looked at him almost apologetically, almost like she didn't want to be the one to deliver this news.

"Poor Draco was hit with a curse and brought here when a young witch found him out cold. It's been hard to determine exactly what kind of curse this is, but he was put in a magical coma," she paused to reach for her files again, which were probably Malfoy's, if Harry was understanding correctly.

"He woke up last week and ever since I've been working with him," Luna finished as she organized the last bit of the papers and stood to get the rest of her materials.

A curse, huh? Well, Harry couldn't exactly be shocked. Six years and many still wanted revenge on the Death Eaters. Could anyone honestly blame them? Some things couldn't be avenged, some things couldn't be fixed. Even Harry speaking for Malfoy and his mother at the trials couldn't solve everything.

"Well, I get that. Yeah, that kinda sucks. But, why are you, uh, working with him?" Curiosity was storming in him, though he felt a little bit stupid. He didn't quite know why he felt so silly asking. Harry leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees.

With the files and her other paperwork in her hands, Luna headed out the door but not before looking behind her. 

"Well, I'm a mind healer," she walked out, her long blonde hair lightly hitting the door frame as she turned. She never does cut it, does she? 

Harry followed her, closing the door behind him with an automatic click, indicating it was locked. He made sure it was locked for sure anyways before catching up behind her.

"Right I know that, but, why does he need a mind healer?"

"Just follow me." was all the witch said as she lead Harry through the hallways. 

He never did like hospitals. They're so white and so cold. A wizard hospital and they just had to modernize it? But really, you're never in a hospital for good reason, are you? It was always loud, full with complaining people and healers running all around. There were always sick people, injured people, people you can't cure. 

Harry heard the wailing of a child down the hall. A newborn child, he presumed. Okay, so maybe not everything was always awful. Of course, bad always had some good in it.

Luna walked towards another ward, one he hadn't seen before. The walls changed from white to a dull light yellow. Why did everything have to be so ominous? She took out her wand and swished at one of the walls. It opened up. Another corridor? 

Harry glanced around as more doors came into view. No crying, no frantic healers. It wasn't exactly silent, but it was preferable. Harry clutched his jacket closer to his chest as Luna strolled down the hall. Had they not been in a hospital Harry would assume she was skipping through a field of daisies.

She stopped abruptly in front of a light blue door. 

"Here we are. Go in," she took Harry's jacket. 

"W-what?" 

The witch sighed and paused for a moment, her blue eyes seemingly staring into Harry's soul for a moment.

"It's Draco. I want you to see for yourself."

He choked. 

Right so Luna definitely lived up to her nickname. She was loony.

"Uh, Luna, I'm not entirely sure he would want to see me," he awkwardly chuckled as he turned to her. "In fact I don't think I want to see him. And you still haven't answered my question!" 

What in the world was Luna thinking? Why couldn't she just tell him what's wrong? 

"No, no. Just go in, please. I'd like to see this." she began to push him towards the door.

"L-Luna no! Wait!" Harry tried to push back but she was stronger than expected. At the same time, he wasn't pushing back so hard, It's not like he would just body slam her.

"Harry James Potter! Quit fussing and go in!" with the flick of her wand, she opened the door and pushed Harry in, locking it behind him. She used his full name, he was definitely not going back out until she decided otherwise.

"Oh. Hello." 

Harry turned around. His emerald eyes were met with grey ones, looking down with curiosity. Malfoy was perched up on the window sill, one leg hanging down. 

"Malfoy," Harry replied, hand reaching for his wand in case he needed it. You never do know with Malfoy, do you?

The pale haired boy blinked at him in surprise. Then, surprisingly, he smiled softly.

"Oh, you know my name. What's your name?"

What? Oh, of course.

"Quit being a git. I was forced in here by Luna and I have no idea why, so could you just tell me what's wrong so I can leave?" If that was even what it took for Luna to let him leave.

Malfoy stared at him for a moment, confusion etching his face again. He readjusted on the window sill, trying to sit cross legged.

"Who is Luna?" He asked after a moment.

What joke was Malfoy playing at? Harry huffed as he hung his head down for a second, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. Stay calm he told himself Malfoy's just being insufferable. Unsurprisingly.

"Listen," the raven haired boy said firmly. "Stop playing games. Seriously, why are you here?"

Malfoy nervously laughed, covering his mouth. Harry stared at him, Malfoy laughing was just disgusting. No, Harry didn't hate him, but it's not like the pale git is pleasant to be around.

"Not playing games. You see, I don't know either," the pale boy sighed, shaking his head slightly. 

"What do you mean?" Harry stepped forward, his hand still on the pocket which contained his wand. This was a trick. It had to be.

"I don't know where I am," Malfoy replied again.

"Luna!" Harry cried, "This isn't funny, let me out!" 

No response came from the other side. Harry huffed and turned back around to face Malfoy. "Seriously, what do you mean?" 

"Exactly as I told you," Malfoy drawled as he hopped down from the window sill, dusting off his clothes. He straightened up and inspected Harry again, then he gave him a smile. Gross.

"I don't know where I am." He said with a slight laugh again, gesturing towards the entirety of the room.

But how could that be? Harry took a seat on the chair behind him, readjusting to get comfortable but to no avail. The hospital chairs were always so dreadful no matter what.

"You...Really don't remember anything? Anything at all?" He cleaned his glasses with the corner of his sweater. Malfoy sat on his bed criss cross, sighing and resting his cheek against his palm. 

"No, I don't know anything. Who are you? And, where am I, exactly?"

Mother- give me a break, Harry thought.

He raised his eyebrow at him, as if asking "Do you think I'm an idiot?" Maybe, Malfoy did think he was dumb. What did he mean, "Who are you?" he knew exactly who he was. It's all just a prank.

But the logical part of his brain told him Luna wanted him here for a reason. Could this seriously be why? Because of memory loss?

Does that mean he's basically accusing a stranger?

"Oh," suddenly everything was quite awkward. If he continues to not believe him, and it turns out Malfoy isn't lying, Luna wouldn't be too pleased.

He cringed a bit and started again. "That really..."

Malfoy had enough of waiting for his nonsense, apparently. He cleared his throat, "Please, where am I?"

In that moment, Malfoy looked like he never had before. Never had Harry seen the blonde look so lost. During the war, Malfoy didn't look lost, he looked scared. But now, he looked desperate for answers, not solutions. Somehow, for some reason, a feeling of pity swirled in the spectacled boy.

Pity, for Malfoy? The day just gets weirder. 

So maybe he wasn't lying.

Taking actual pity of him, Harry finally answers him seriously, "You're in St. Mungos, a hospital. Oh and, I'm Harry Potter..just so ya know," he finger gunned awkwardly.

Malfoy gave him a look between disgust and confusion because of Harry's antics. Nice to see his personality might be the same. Well, maybe. And, nice wasn't the right word

It felt weird, re-introducing himself. The first time they met, it was Malfoy who had introduced himself. And yet, now, it has to be Harry, who hadn't wanted to meet him to begin with.

"A hospital? Do you know what for?" Malfoy looked satisfied with the answer. How long had he been trying to figure it out?

"I don't really know," he lied. It would be too hard to explain why he was there all in one go. Did he even remember he was a wizard?

"Oh. Well, it's nice to meet you, anyway," Malfoy straightened for a moment before furrowing his brows in curiosity.

"But, why are you here? And, why do you know my name?"

"Um…" Harry struggled to find the words. This is the reason Luna wanted him to see this for himself? What did she want to see? The git from school suffering with memory loss, conversing with his enemy like there was no bad blood? He could hardly see why this would be so relevant to himself or to her. There really wasn't a good reason he was here. 

"I don't really know."

Malfoy laughed out loud, throwing his head back for a moment. He met Harry's eyes again and shook his head.

"There are a lot of things you don't know. It's almost like you have memory loss too, which I assume that's what I have, yes?"

Harry nodded. But wow, what a way to embarrass yourself on the first meeting, even if it really wasn't. At least Malfoy was making jokes like he usually did.

Just then, it all seemed to click in Harry's mind. He grinned.  
"Wait a minute." He said in realization. The spectacled boy crossed his arms and smirked.

"If you don't remember anything, how do you remember your name?" He had him, didn't he?

Then, Malfoy silently lifted up his arm. The one with the Death Eater mark. Around his wrist was a hospital band. Why was he holding up his- Oh.

"Oh." Harry uncrossed his arms. Of course. Well that was stupid.

"Oh, indeed. So, can you tell me how you know my name? Are we friends?" Malfoy pressed with an awkward smile. 

What should he tell him? Right, so we're enemies and hate each other, and you bullied me in school didn't seem like too good of an option, although it was the truth. It would completely destroy the conversation and then Harry would be stuck in a locked room til Luna decided his time out was over. 

"We were schoolmates," He told him. Malfoy looked at him a little more intensely, causing Harry to shift his gaze towards the floor. What answer did he expect?

"Then," Malfoy started. "Can you tell me why there are these nasty scars on my face?"

Right, the scars. One red gash started at the right side of his forehead and stretched across his face to his chin. Another, though lighter, was bigger and started at the left of his head. it crossed over the other large scar, forming an uneven "X." The last scar Harry could see was just coming up from underneath Malfoy's plain white t-shirt. The gash was just up his neck, reaching his ear.

Harry had gotten used to Malfoy's scars a long time ago. So used to them, he didn't even notice that they haven't changed a bit, though it's been years and they should've gone down at least a little. 

Nasty scars, they were. Especially when Harry remembered it was his doing, though accidental. He never did get to tell Malfoy he was sorry, which he was. Terribly.

Harry winced and decided to lie, once again. He was doing that a lot today.

"I... never found out why. We weren't close," he shrugged. Harry looked back at Malfoy, who was now intensely staring out the window. Either he didn't remember birds or he didn't remember snow. Maybe both.

"Oh…" Silence fell over them. 

It would all be much easier if Malfoy was insulting him. Maybe if he was at least being sarcastic. But he seemed like a completely different person. Harry wasn't used to a nice, let alone civil Malfoy.

The pale haired boy looked down at his dark mark. Malfoy examined it for a while. Then, he locked eyes with Harry.

"Then, you wouldn't be able to tell-" 

He was interrupted by the creak of the door.The blonde witch paused in front of Harry and gave him an innocent smile.

"Luna, what-" he was cut off.

"This is Luna?" Malfoy interrupted. Both Harry and Luna ignored him.

"Luna, seriously, he-" 

"I need to run some tests. Please wait outside Harry" She said respectfully.

Harry gave her one last look, trying to tell her this isn't the end of the conversation. All Luna did was smile with her eyes til he left the room.

-

"So, exactly what made you think that would be a good idea?" 

Harry plopped back onto the couch he previously occupied in her office. The tests had taken about half an hour but in that time Harry must've aged 10 years. So many questions were running through his head. The first being, why the hell did Luna want to see his reaction?

"Well you see," Luna turned back towards him in her chair, giving him her full attention. "It was part of the test."

"Um. Huh?" He squinted at her. Harry really was missing a lot of parts to this story.

"I wanted to see how we would react to someone other than me. We didn't know each other too much. You, on the other hand," she grinned "You were obsessed with him just as much as he was with you. I thought maybe you would trigger some memories."

Harry blinked at her, his mouth slightly open. Obsessed? So maybe he did some-what stalk him in 6th year, but that was because he was suspicious of Malfoy. And rightfully so!

"I was not obsessed!" he whined. "Besides, why are you testing without me even knowing? I swear that's illegal-" she cut him off

"I'd assume you wouldn't report me, Harry. Besides, it was very important information I had to get. Thank you for complying!" She swiveled back towards a drawer and searched through files again. 

Harry looked at the clock on the mostly empty white wall. 2:56 P.M. She probably had another patient to attend to soon. Harry decided to use his time wisely. 

"Alright, alright, whatever, but, why doesn't he remember anything? Will he get his memory back? And, how does he not remember you if you're his healer?" This case was a little interesting after all, wasn't it? Malfoy, being nice to him without the knowledge of their rivalry. Harry absolutely needed to know why.

Luna turned back to him and pursed her lips. Much like the last time, she headed towards her door. 

"Well, we're not quite sure," she leaned against the doorframe, thinking of what to say to him. "It's tricky. Do you need more Dreamless Sleep?"

"No, I'm alright actually," he lied. Again. He really needed to stop doing that. "But, what about-"

"I'm sorry, Harry," Luna cut him off before he could ask again. 

"I have to check with my patient right now, the witch gave him a small apologetic smile. "It was nice seeing you. Start sleeping earlier, alright? Soon you'll feel like an Aquavirus Maggot," and with that, she took her leave.

How did she know he slept so late? And, an Aqua- what?

Harry sighed, maybe he won't find out today after all. It's not like he could stall her for answers either, that would be selfish. Just because he was unemployed did not mean he could hold others back. 

"Okay, I will. Goodluck!" He called after her, loud enough so she would hear as she headed to her next patient, probably in the same corridor as Malfoy.

There was still a whole day ahead of him, but Harry didn't really know what to do with all that time.

Perhaps home was the best option, even if it wasn't his favourite one.


	2. Hello again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry visits Draco again, but somethings not right here.

Dear Harry,

I'm attempting to write again. I'm still feeling incredibly foolish doing this. I don't exactly want to keep saying "Dear Harry," but Hermione insisted.

Speaking of Hermione, I saw her last week. Ron was at work, so it was just her and I. She hugged me so tightly when she saw me, it must've been a month since I last saw her. We had tea, the one that calms your nerves. She says I just "look tense all the time". So, for her sake, I drank it.

I told her about Malfoy and the hospital. "Harry, did you seriously find out only now?" She wasn't actually surprised. She was just tired of me being so out of touch with the real world, I think. I know I'm late but, she should give me a break. I don't exactly care about Malfoy's life.

She thought it was sad that he lost his memory. I asked why she would even care, but she gave me that look that told me "I can't believe you just asked me that." She does it all the time. I swear, it's quite frightening. I back down every time.

Besides that, nothing much happened this week. I mean, I don't exactly have anything to do so. Perhaps I'll visit Luna again? See what's going on with her and Malfoy and all. She still hasn't given me answers!

Anyways, I'll end it here. I think today was a tad bit more successful. I mean, I said something this time right? Right, anyways, maybe I'll write in a week again.

Sincerely,

Harry

Luna hadn't told him anything. Not that she could, she was so busy. When she wasn't, Harry was probably sleeping at an odd time. Perhaps, he should actually get some sleeping draught.

The clock on his ugly green wall chimed twelve o clock. 

Outside the window beside it, the birds were chirping and flying, their wings contrasting the pale sky.

Sometimes hearing a bird made Harry think of Hedwig. A beautiful owl, she was. She was snowy white, so intelligent, so loyal. He still hadn't been able to forgive himself for her death.

The ugly grey sofa was suddenly an inconvenience. It was too rough, it also smelled of old people. Harry readjusted but it only seemed to aggravate him more and more.

He wouldn't be able to get over a lot of deaths. He was convinced of this. A lot of them were his fault after all, weren't they? Harry wasn't so self absorbed to think everyone died just for him, but so many people had died anyways. So many could've been saved. By him.

Harry inhaled and exhaled deeply for a moment. He stared at the backs of his eyelids for a moment before finally reopening his eyes. It seemed a bit calmer now. He'd be able to get through it for now. 

He made his way into his room and quickly got changed into a random pair of black slacks and a white t-shirt. Maybe if he visited Luna right now he wouldn't have to think of anything else. 

Avoiding the thoughts was all he could do after all.

Realistically, Harry knew he could go to a mind healer. However, nothing about it felt welcoming anymore. He had a mind healer once, but it didn't quite work out. It was so tame, such gentle brushes on topics that even three months in, they had barely done anything at all.

Wasn't therapy supposed to discuss the bullshit in your life that bothers you? It all felt like tea party conversations.

So, after that failed attempt at receiving help and many years of trying to cope by himself, Harry decided.

That battle would simply have to haunt him forever. 

-

"Healer lovegood is not in right now. She's on her break."

Harry's smile fell.

"Oh.."

The black haired receptionist turned away from him, checking her clipboard instead.

"You'll have to wait a bit," she told him as she checked for Luna's hours. "I'm not sure when she will return. It shouldn't be more than an hour," the witch gave him a warm smile. 

He sighed and rested his head on his hands against the counter. 

What would Harry do now? He could wait for her but he needed a distraction right now. His thoughts seemed overwhelming, he just really needed a friend. Nothing was particularly wrong, just a feeling Harry was getting.

He snapped his head up and stared at the wall behind the witch with wide eyes. It was like a light bulb had lit up above his head. Harry thought of Malfoy. Maybe...

The pale skinned receptionist cleared her throat. Harry snapped out of it and was met with monolid eyes, looking at him expectantly.

"Mr.Potter?" 

"Oh! Sorry...Um..." 

"Is there something else you wanted?"

She folded back the papers on her clipboard, setting it down and picking up her cup of coffee again. Her red lipstick smeared the lid.

"Actually, yes," Harry said, slightly disturbed by how red her lipstick was. It reminded him of Aunt Petunia, though he must admit the witch pulled it off much better.

"What would it be?"

Harry hesitated for a moment. Was this honestly a good idea? He didn't really have a reason for wanting to- Oh, hell.

"I'd like to see Draco Malfoy. He's Luna's patient," the black haired boy scratched the side of his face out of nervousness.

The witch shook her head politely.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, you do not have healer Lovegood's permission."

"I actually already went to see him before. Luna wanted me to see him, actually…" Why was he practically begging? He was not that desperate for company, was he? Perhaps he was, because at this point even Malfoy seemed like a good option.

The woman seemed to be in thought. Of course, because he was Harry Potter she considered letting him in, but said boys fame was no match for her work ethic.

"I'm still not sure I should let you in. I'd rather not without Healer Lovegood's permission," the receptionist said apologetically.

Harry sighed, looking at the counter for a second. He'll just have to wait for Luna.

"Alright then...I'll just wait. Thank you-" he looked at the receptionists name tag for a second before continuing. "-Mrs. Jung."

The receptionist smiled at him and bid him a good day before the wizard walked away and plopped himself onto one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs. Did they have to be this uncomfortable? Harry hoped Luna wouldn't take an hour, he probably couldn't even wait that long.

-

Turns out he did wait that long.

"What brings you here, Harry?" The blonde witch smiled as she let Harry into her office again.

Harry sighed and took his usual seat, opening the Quibbler. Quidditch, again. Merlin, he'll have to play sometime. 

"I thought I needed some human interaction. I'm starting to feel like Snape," he admitted miserably. Who wants to be like that slimy man? Even after finding out Snape was a double agent, Harry couldn't forgive the man.

Snape had never cared for him, Harry knew that. He wasn't naive anymore, and to begin with, he never thought Snape did it for him. He did it for his mother, Lily. He found it disturbing. Not that Snape wasn't allowed to love his mother, however put some thought into it, and you know the Death Eater would've never helped Harry if he wasn't Lily's. The slimy professor would've stuck right by Voldemort, remaining one of his most loyal lap dogs. 

Suddenly, Harry saw Snape's face in his head. staring at him, right next to voldemort. Snape, with an evil sneer on his face, he doesn't love Harry's mother and he is ready to kill the boy.

This thought always disturbed him, he shuddered.

"Oh Harry, you are quite close to becoming Severus."

Oh great. Just what he needed.

"Thanks for the compliment," he mumbled with a blank expression. Luna always did remain honest, hopefully he wasn't actually turning into that corrupted man.

"It's not entirely a bad thing," Luna sat in front of Harry, carefully spinning in her chair side to side. Oh, Luna, she probably even acted like this with patients 

"Being alone isn't awful, it's just not always healthy, Harry," she took out her wand and accio'd some more files. Just more and more files each time, he'd go insane, Harry concluded.

The 24 year old sighed and chose not to comment further on the matter. He would never be Severus Snape, the shadiest wizard he had ever met.

"Gotcha," he sighed, going with what Luna said anyways. "So, what's different with Malfoy?"

"Oh?" The blonde witch didn't look up from her files. "Well...It's not much different from last week," she pursed her lips.

"I see...It'll take a while I guess right? I mean...He did lose his entire memory." 

Malfoy probably had it hard, not remembering his Mother, his Father, his friends, not even his enemies. He doesn't even remember he's an ex death eater, does he? Harry almost felt grateful, almost glad he forgot that, mostly because he doesn't want him to remember and go rogue.

Oh god, his mother.

"Would you mind seeing him again?" The dreamy eyed witch smiled at him, getting up with her files and making her way to the door. Today, she had two braids. They had pink and lavender ribbons in them, tied in bows at the ends. Harry could see it clearly now, he kinda admired it.

"Harry, I asked if you'd mind seeing Malfoy again," She repeated herself after he had stupidly stared at her hair for longer than necessary.

"Uh...I- Well,." 

Oh come on, you asked earlier to see him. This wouldn't be bad, not like last time. He thought to himself for a moment. 

Thinking about it, he doesn't really have anything to lose today. And it's true, he was practically begging just an hour ago for human interaction. 

"Why not, I guess? He doesn't remember me so I guess it's alright. We can start off where we left last time," he smiled at the idea. He wasn't thinking of being friends with Malfoy, but he could handle talking to him without getting automatically pissed off now. After all, Malfoy was a changed man. Kinda.

Luna puffed up her cheeks and stared at the ceiling, humming. "Yes, perhaps you can," she agreed.

She made her way out and he followed.

Once again, Harry closed the door behind him. The bright lights of the hallway hit him again as well and he winced. Luna's office had such nice warmer lights. The ones everywhere else in this god forsaken hospital were just too bright for his liking. He readjusted his winter coat on his shoulders before running up to Luna, who wasn't far ahead.

"The only thing is," he started as soon as he was beside her. "He keeps asking me questions about himself. I'm not sure how to answer them," he looked at her for advice.

She lead him through the corridors again, and like last time, the hallways were frantic all over. Harry's shoulders tensed at all the noise and fast paced movement.

"Well, be honest with him. He's allowed to know about himself," Luna reminded, like she expected Harry to know this. Which, he probably should, shouldn't he?

Harry scrunched his eyebrows for a second before sighing. She's right, he did deserve to know himself.

"I can try," he started. "Just, it makes me uncomfortable."

"I know."

They made their way to the wall that lead to another part of the hospital. As soon as they stepped through and went to the correct corridor, Harry's shoulders relaxed. It was much, much quieter here.

They were silent until they stopped in front of the pale blue door. Malfoy's, Harry could see the little tag just beside the door now. He hadn't paid attention earlier. 

Harry readjusted his coat again. It was more calm in this part of St Mungos, but somehow more hot.

Luna turned towards him and told him to take off the thick black jacket, taking it after he did so. She always did try to make sure he was comfortable, without ever asking if he was uncomfortable. She just knew. It could be because Harry sucks at hiding how he feels, but maybe she just reads minds. wouldn't be surprising coming from her.

She smiled one last time and walked away, but not before casting an unlocking charm and calling over her shoulder.

"In you go."

Harry watched her braids hit her back as she walked for a moment before taking a deep breath and stepping in. He could do this, he wouldn't keep lying.

Harry closed the door behind him and exhaled. Here goes nothing.

He turned around sharply, meeting Malfoy's eyes. The pale blonde was scanning him, searching for something. They stared at each other for a moment before Harry cleared his throat.

"Hi?" He offered.

"Hello?" The blonde looked back and forth between Harry and the wall beside him, slightly sneering.

Okay, so he seemed a little more like himself. Was that even a good thing?

"Uh, it's good to see you again. H-How are you feeling?" Harry offered the boy a smile. 

Maybe if he didn't fuel Malfoy, he'd act as he did last time. Harry didn't think he would ever say it, but he almost missed the nice version of the ex death eater. 

However the grey eyed boy continued to stare at him, crossing his arms. He was sitting on his bed this time instead of the window sill. His lips pursed.

What the?

"Malfoy?" The raven haired boy took a seat on the uncomfortable chair again. Why wasn't Malfoy responding?

"How do you know my name?" 

Did he forget they met already? Or, playing a trick? Well it's the git of all gits, shouldn't be surprised with him either.

"Uh, we met? Last week, remember?" He rolled his eyes with a smile, pretending to believe him as an adult would to a child.

"Last week...Pardon?"

Harry gave him a blank stare. Who was he trying to fool? He huffed and kept going along with the story.

"Last week. We met when I visited? It was a Wednesday," he sing songed. He laughed at himself, Malfoy could be so foolish, why did he think he could trick him?

"I...Don't know you," The pale haired boy looked down in annoyance. Harry got him. He couldn't even look him in the eyes!

"Ha! Gotcha. You really thought you could fool me? Come on-"

"I said I don't know you!"

Harry stared at him. The ex death eater's eyes burned in fury. The scars on his face turned a little more red than they were when he first walked in. Maybe, he wasn't lying.

"But I...I mean...I was the guy who told you where you are."

Malfoy raised an eyebrow and huffed.

"Uh, no? I don't even know where I am so you definitely didn't tell me. Again, I don't know who you are."

That simply couldn't be. Harry introduced himself last time, Malfoy had taken it so well too. What the ever living hell was wrong now?

"Listen," he started, the corners of his mouth turning downwards. "I'm not sure I...What?" Harry couldn't believe it, this didn't make sense to him.

The pale boy inhaled sharply and looked up. He seemed to count for a couple seconds before looking back at the dark haired wizard.

"Where am I?"

"In St. Mungos?" Harry's eyes darted around the room. Bloody hell, he wasn't joking at all, was he?

"In what?" His eyes widened a bit.

"St. Mungos...A hospital." 

Malfoy uncrossed his arms. As he stared at Harry, the other started to wonder just what he was trying to find. Answers, or a way to rip his soul out his chest? 

Finally, the blonde broke his gaze and sighed roughly, shaking his head at Harry. 

"What the bloody hell am I in a hospital for?" He whined as he pinched the bridge of his nose. 

Harry really has to answer it this time, doesn't he? Judging from Malfoy currently, he wasn't sure how well he would react to finding out he is a wizard, let alone an ex death eater hit by a curse. Did Luna even tell him who he was last time? Right now all he really wished is that Luna would tell him more details before sending him to a confined space with Malfoy in it.

But, no, Harry could just lie, right? Yes, he said he wouldn't but he doesn't have any other choice, unless he wants to deal with Malfoy potentially ripping his head off. If Harry was in his place with no memory and somebody had told him he's a wizard at this bloody age, he'd think its mockery as well.

No, no, he has to tell him. No more lies.

"You…" Come on, Harry. "Were injured…" Right, now tell him why. "I don't know the details…" Fucking hell.

Malfoy crossed his arms again and gave Harry a suspicious look.

"Okay," he started slowly. "You are?"

"I'm...Harry Potter." 

Again, it felt so odd to introduce himself again. This is the third time! Well actually, kind of the second because malfoy already knew he was Harry Potter the first time.

"How do you know my name?" Malfoy was not stopping with the questions anytime soon, was he?

"How do you know your name?" Harry countered as an escape. Again.

Malfoy gave him a look and Harry got the message. Are you thick in the skull? He could hear it through his eyes.

Why am I like this? This must be because of my lack of human interaction, he thought miserably.

"How do you know my name?" The other wizard demanded again.

Harry offered another awkward smile, "We were schoolmates?" 

"So, not friends?"

"No, we weren't."

"So how do you know I'm here? Why do you know I'm here?"

"Merlin, you ask so many questions," he complained. Harry just couldn't believe he had to do this again. Why the hell did Luna not tell him that Malfoy doesnt remember shite? Again? Or already? "You're going too fast I don't even know why-"

"Don't act like you're so drained. I don't remember myself at all so you've ought to tell me," Malfoy bit with a sneer. Harry could see him getting more and more angry. Not a good sign, either the windows explode or Harry's head explodes.

Although, Harry was still Harry, and Malfoy was still Malfoy. He simply would not take demands from the pale prick.

"No, I'm not," Harry felt smug, all awkwardness leaving his body. Here was a death eater he could deal with again.

"Why not?!"

Why not?

"I don't owe you anything." 

You owe me. I saved you. 

Harry didn't actually think Malfoy owed him. He didn't speak at his trial so that the pale haired wizard would give him something. However, using that reason gave him a false sense of power. Even if he didn't say it out loud, it didn't matter. He knew a lot that Malfoy didn't. 

Silence fell over the two boys. The snow had covered most of the window now, only leaving the top quarter clear. Harry chose to focus on the little he could see instead of the annoying prick in front of him.

"You're odd, a lunatic," the blond broke the silence eventually. He stood up and went to the window sill Harry had found the other sitting on just a week ago. Malfoy stared out the window for a moment before sneering at him again. "Why the bloody hell are you even here? Leave. I don't know who you are."

The other boy wanted anything but to follow his demands, but he didn't even want to be in the same room as him. By leaving, he was not following orders.

"Alright then…" He sneered back.

He made his way out, feeling Malfoy's eyes on his back the entire time.  
-

Luna had done her checkup on Malfoy like last time. Harry heard him throwing somewhat of a fit, demanding to know who she is. He was so different from last time, it was concerning how quickly he changed.

"Luna there's something wrong with him," Harry rubbed the side of his face. He watched the blonde girl reread Malfoy's files. 

"I know," she sighed sadly.

"Well? What is it?"

"There's a lot of things wrong right now," the witch put Malfoy's files away and relaxed in her chair. She gave Harry a small smile.

"We're still working on it. It seems to be a mixture of obliviation, confundo, and," Luna paused to stare at the ceiling in thought. "Well, We're not quite sure what else. You see it's very complex magic that we healers have yet to see before."

Complex magic? For memory loss? Why, that seemed a little silly.

"But it's just memory loss," he voiced his opinion.

"No, it's not Harry. It's not something we have dealt with, it's very difficult to figure out as of right now. You just saw for yourself," her dreamy eyes wandered towards the door, staring out as if Malfoy was right there.

But it had to be just memory loss, right? He doesn't remember Harry, or Luna, or anything about himself. Merlin, he probably didn't even know he was a wizard. Yet just last week they had re-met. He wasn't faking it either, it seems. 

"I mean...He doesn't remember me. But I just saw him last week? He's being odd," Harry leaned back in his chair and sighed. Why the hell was Malfoy so different today?

Luna stared at him for a moment. her dreamy blue eyes were sparkling like always, seemingly hopeful yet pitiful. She must feel awful for draco, but she never shows pity for her patients. Harry was realising he should take this seriously, and take her word for what she says about his case.

If Luna's serious, you absolutely must be serious as well.

"He hasn't been able to remember me at all," she rested her cheek against her palm, humming to herself.

Well that was alarming.

"What?"

"He never remembers my name, who I am, nothing at all. He doesn't ever know where he is."

But she is his healer? How could he not remember her when he sees her everyday? Did that mean that everyday he wakes up and-

"His life restarts," she finished for him as if reading his mind.

"Bullocks..." He ran his hand through his hair. Malfoy had it bad, didn't he?

Luna got up from her seat and fetched the files for her next patient.

"Poor Draco will have to struggle a little for now." 

"Yeah no kidding, he has to live everyday as a new person. Has to be rough."

"There might be ways we can fix this," She said a little brighter than her last words.

"Might?" Harry got up from his seat as well, collecting his coat from the rack just beside the door. He didnt wanna be sitting when she leaves again, he may as well leave with her.

The blonde witch turned to him again, "Yes. I can't say for sure," she seemed hopeful nonetheless.

Harry slid his coat on and gave her an apologetic look. He couldn't give one to Malfoy, he might as well give it to her.

"Well...That's unfortunate," and it was. Harry moved to hold the door open for her.

"Yes," she stepped through. "I'm glad you stopped by again! Next time I'll give you time to get the sleeping draught," Luna gave him a quick hug and skipped to her next patient.

Oh Luna, had she ever fallen while doing that? 

"Goodluck! I'll catch you later!" He called after her before closing the door behind him.

"They've gotta hear about this…" He whispered before apparating to his favourite people in the world.

-

"He doesn't remember you?"

"No."

Hermione sat down on the blue velvet couch after handing Harry his cup of tea. Rose sat in her lap, chewing on a stuffed giraffe. Harry had gotten it for her for her first birthday, he thought it was absolutely adorable. And it was, even when Rose was drooling all over it.

Hermione poured a cup of tea for Ron. Black, with lots and lots of sugar, just how he liked it.

"Well, he does have memory loss," the witch pondered, handing the cup to her husband.

Harry sighed and took a sip from his own. Hermione's tea always calmed him down, always. 

"Yeah," he began, "but we saw each other last week."

"Last week?" Ron perked up, clearly unaware of their encounter. He went ignored anyways.

"Harry, maybe he's faking it?" Hermione proposed as she brought her own cup of tea to her lips.

Harry thought for a moment. He too, had suspected such from Malfoy. However, that couldn't be the case, could it? Malfoy was completely different when they first met, he couldn't have faked all of it the entire time, could he? Not only that, but they were adults now. He couldn't just be faking like a child everyday.

"Faking it? I don't know, he seemed genuinely stressed…" Malfoy looked as though everyone in his life had failed him when he saw him. Perhaps, a lot of people had. But that look he had was one of disgust and distrust, Harry couldn't help but think maybe he had always looked like that. 

Hermione's forehead creased.

"That is true…How could he simply forget after last week? It's not been that long."

"Hold on! What do you mean last week?" Ron asked again. He rested his elbows on his knees, hand in one cheek. The look on his face was dumbfounded. 

That's right, Harry hadn't told him about his encounter with Malfoy. He didn't want the freckled boy to go on a tyrant about how bad of an idea it is. What was Harry to say? Sorry mate, forgot to tell ya. I'm visiting Malfoy in the hospital 'cause I'm bored, instead of seeing you, of course. 

"Nevermind that, Ron," Hermione interjected instead. Bless her.

Ron threw his hands up in defeat, sighing. He went back to his abandoned cup of tea with way too much sugar in it.

She turned her head back to the spectacled boy.

"Harry, I don't remember ever reading about a spell that constantly wipes one's memory. Maybe it's not even a spell at all." 

"Then what can it be?" And really, what could it possibly be but memory loss?

She pouted and she looked away, studying the beige carpet instead. Rose hummed one of Hermione's favourite songs, the three year old really did adore everything about her mother. Right down to her music taste!

"I dont know?" The dark witch replied with a nervous laugh. She bit her lip and concentrated on the floor harder, Harry could practically see her brain running with wonder.

"Hold on mate, if you met him last week, what was he like?" Ron joined the conversation again.

"Why?" Harry raised an eyebrow as he took another sip of his tea.

The red haired boy rolled his eyes and readjusted on his sofa. Yes, once Ron had become a father, the red sofa had somehow become his property. Harry and their friends dubbed it, "The Man Chair."

"I mean you haven't complained till now, I assume. Cause, you know, Hermione would always tell me if you were annoying-" Harry glared at him, unamused. Ron snickered, "Nevermind, was he being good ol Draco last time too?"

Harry thought for a moment, looking at the toddler who was now up and walking to her room.

Malfoy was the exact opposite of himself the "first time" they met. The second time, he was a little more like himself, except he was actually intimidating. which, Harry would never admit of course. He still had some dignity and pride.

"No," he answered, slightly shaking his head. "In fact he wasn't his Malfoy self either time." 

"What do you mean?" Ron broke a biscuit in half and dipped it in his cup.

Harry hummed for a moment, thinking of ways he could put it. He could hear Rose in the other room reading out loud. though a lot still sounded incoherent, dhe started reading at quite the young age, Hermione's doing of course. "Mrs.Angeline you so nice!" He heard her quote from her book.

"The first time," he started, "he was kind. He kept smiling and laughing like we were friends."

"Ew," Ron commented through a mouthful.

"Oh, hush," Hermione rolled her eyes.

"The second time, today, he was mean," he paused. "And impatient," another pause. "But he wasn't being snobby. He was just...Frustrated." 

Hermione hummed.

"I wonder why his personality changed," she yawned mid sentence and stretched. Usually, tea would wake a person up. But not Hermione. She sleeps like a log anyways.

She had pulled her long curly hair out of her hair tie in the process of yawning, letting her afro out. She visibly relaxed at the feeling of freedom. Why did girls wear their hair so tightly anyway? One of the many wonders of Harry's life.

The raven haired boy sighed again, Malfoy's situation was a bit confusing. No spell tracked, had the wand even been tracked? He would have to ask Luna again.

"I have no idea. I'll visit him next week maybe." 

He might as well, if he's seeing Luna. Perhaps she'd drag him there again.

Harry swallowed down the rest of his tea, placing the cup back on the table. He was about to speak again before Ron asked an unexpected question.

"You mind taking us with you?"

Harry choked.

"W-What? Why?" Why in the world would Ron wanna see Malfoy? He couldn't exactly do anything to him in a hospital, especially as an auror. He would definitely get in trouble.

"Why not?" The freckled boy crossed his arms behind his head and leaned against the back of The Man Chair. "It's like meeting a new person," He added

"Ron," Hermione huffed. "You can't just pretend he isn't someone you know. That's toying with him," she sleepily poured another cup of tea for the red head, who had finished his tea with his last biscuit. Ron shooed her hands away, signaling that he would do it himself. 

Meanwhile guilt filled Harry. He had been pretending he didn't know him. He made a mental note to not do that next time, just for the sake of morals.

"Besides," Hermione added, "You wouldn't happen to be thinking of hexing him, would you?" She raised an eyebrow at her husband.

"What?" Ron nervously laughed, looking around like he had an audience. It earned him a hard look from both Harry and Hermione this time.

"I'm joking! Merlin," Ron laughed as he poured another cup of tea for himself. "I just wanna see him for myself. You can't tell me you aren't curious?" He asked Hermione.

"Well," it was her turn to look guilty. "Just a little bit?" Hermione admitted with a small smile.

Harry couldn't believe they actually cared enough to want to see Malfoy. Well, Maybe they didn't quite care about Malfoy, but about the situation. After all, a nice Malfoy is a rarity.

"You both want to come?" He asked, unsure if they were truly serious.

"Why not?" 

"I'd like to see for myself. We can find out if he is faking it," Ron said with a wide smile.

"How, exactly?" 

"Harry," Ron set his cup down and got up from The Man Chair. He squeezed between the other two. The auror slung one arm around Harry's shoulders, and another around Hermione's. "Once he sees me, if he remembers me, you'll see it in his face. He'll be positively pissed," he claimed with a certain smile.

Being an auror had changed Ron. As did the few years they aged, most definitely the war too. He'd become even smarter in battle, he read emotions very well now. Harry didn't want to seem like an arse, but it just slightly surprised him that he had gotten better. Not because he couldn't believe it, but because it did leave Ron with an intimidating aura. He had changed.

But, not everything changed. He still loved Malfoy's suffering.

"Are we even sure he still hates you?" Hermione rested her head against his shoulder.

"Wouldn't doubt it, but I don't hate him anymore, so maybe he's changed as well," Ron pondered.

Harry's head snapped up. He stared at his best friend with wide eyes.

"You….Don't?"

"Don't what?"

"Hate him?"

"No."

Ron always did surprise him more and more, but Harry should probably learn to expect surprises. That way, Ron couldn't get any more joy out of surprising him. Ron, he really did get a kick out of seeing the looks on peoples faces every time he said something not Ron-like. He couldn't blame him.

"But how? Why?" Harry could've sworn his friend was planning murder on Malfoy at some point this evening. Perhaps. Either way, as far as he knew, Ron never got an apology from the blonde prick, and Ron had never spoken of forgiveness.

"No use holding a grudge, right mate? That's why you're visiting him," Ron smiled, placing a kiss on Hermione's forehead as she somehow dozed off. Tea always did make her sleepy. That, and it was 10 o'clock by now. They both had a day off tomorrow, maybe Harry could visit again.

"Right…"

Maybe Ron was onto something.

"Just not next time? I just…" He just what? Most likely, he just didn't want to explain more to Malfoy. It was hard enough for himself. If Malfoy saw all three of them, well, might be more than just his head that gets chewed off that day. 

Ron made a move to get off the couch and for a second, Harry thought he was mad. Instead, Ron picked Hermione up and let her rest over his shoulder. He turned back to his best friend and grinned.

"Alright mate, just let us know when, alright?"

"Yeah. I will."

With that, the auror bid him a goodbye and made his way to his and Hermione's bedroom. Shared bedroom.

The scarred boy watched longingly. Again, he wanted to share something like that, too. 

He floo'd back to Grimauld place, still longing for something or someone. 

Home sweet Home, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next update is most likely next week, i have lots of school work :/ but also ill do my best to get it out when i can!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! ill update as much as i can. i was going to post this entire story once i was done but to hold myself accountable ill be posting it as i go lol


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